Marc's posterous

on the occasion of both the anniversary of the passing of my father and the birthday of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

Gentle Reader,

So, yesterday was the anniversary of my Pop's passing. He left us in 1994, when I was all of 22. He was a contemporary of Dr. King; i'm not saying they were buddies or even knew each other (even though they had met) but they were both doing what they could for equal rights for all at the same time, just in different ways. If not for the things they were doing, from marching to filing suits against the unjust, to taking beatings at the hands of those who were sworn to protect them, I would be a very different person than I am today. 

If Dr. King doesn't push for the Civl Rights Act and the Voting Rights act, then Mr and Mrs Loving don't decide to get married and then get arrested and then have the temerity to sue the state of Virginia and take that all the way to the Supreme Court. If that doesn't happen, I can't go and marry a girl from Wisconsin who is as white as snow and have the 2 prettiest children you have ever seen (that's not the proud dad in me talking, TJ does have the greatest head of hair in America, and no one is cuter than my Opie, just ask her...)

If the Inspector, and my mother, doesn't decide that he's always going to show his son what it means to be not just a man, but a gentleman, then I wouldn't ever be able to be the fraternity man that I am. I wouldn't be able to start to show my children how to be a parent. I wouldn't know what to do to have any type of success in this world, but thanks to the Inspector, I do.

Thanks to them both. I know they are watching down on me and I hope they are happy with what they see, not just from me, but from all of us.

I miss you, Pop. Kiss Mom for me

Marc... 

Where the heck have you been???

That's right, Gentle Reader. I've been gone for a while. While gone tons of things have happened. Some are important (both kids had birthdays, I actually started making money at my job; took a trip to OH/KY where I had a lot of fun and also made some changes. Some were not my decisions alone, but some were definetely for my benefit. One of these things is that I've decided to start running. Its my goal to run a 5K by Christmas and run a 1/2 marathon by this time next year. I'm even going to make it a charity event. I'm going to call it Phat Guy for Phi Psi. Every donation is going to go to the Carlos Navarro Scholarship Fund. MY goal is to try and raise 5K for the marathon. I also plan to make a fair amount of money from people betting against me. I love when people try and steal your thunder and try and tell you what you can't do. It's times like this where people show themselves as yiour friend or your adversary. I'm not going to let them get in the way of my life.
I've started training, slowly, by running and riding my bike to build up my endurance. My next step is to get into a training program and really get after it. I want this to be a catalyst for change.
 
I know some of you are asking, "why now?" Well, the short answer is someone very dear to me sent me a quote from, of all people, Drew Carey. The funnyman was asked why he started running to lose weight. He said that you can't just go on trying to get to a pants size as a motivator - you need to set goals and bust through them. I was that guy, I was trying to simply set as a goal to make it so I could buy a pair of chinos at the GAP - That's a crappy goal. For one, the GAP isn't cool anymore, and 2) I needed more. I figure that if I make this happen, I'll raise some money, lose a bunch of weight, laugh at folks trying to serve me haterade and also have some fun in thr process.
 
I'll try and write at least twice a week, and talk to you about my running and other things that cross my desk.
 
Until then...

my goals for my 40th year

Hello Gentle reader-
It's been a while
So I got the latest update from my high school friend E. Payne and he talked about how he tends to walk through the world not letting people know how he feels and never letting people know about his dreams and aspirations. For one, when you put your goals and dreams in front of others, there are always people who will try and bring your down; They aren't mean by nature, they just suffer from Crabs in a bucket mentality.
E thinks not talking about your dreams is a Man thing, and a Dad thing, to be the stoic one; to simply provide for his family and not let his problems come to the surface. I disagree - I think its a product of our schooling at the castle on Roosevelt. E decided to change that after a trip to church and a sermon. My change came from a different life-changer, but one that was just as important.  I had to write down all of the goals I think are important and share them as well. I'm not a mind reader, and neither are you, gentle reader. Plus, the fact is, I'll need your help in some of these
So here are my goals for the next year.
  • To lose 100 pounds
  • To become financially secure
  • To be in the top 5 salespeople at my company
  • To Find a job that will give me peace and not cause me to look for another job for a while
  • To be open and honest and upfront with people, no matter what
  • To not be afraid of falling in love, and all that might encompass
  • To write a book about fraternity and values and diversity
  • To win Chapter Advisor of the Year at GAC in 2012
  • To prepare for a run at National Office in Phi Kappa Psi in 2012 or 2014
  • To take 6 strokes off of my golf handicap
  • To play in the World Series of Poker Main Event - at least be qualified...
  • To have 1500 facebook fans and 750 twitter followers
  • To have a plan to spend the rest of my life with my beloved.
  • To make her understand that there isn't anyone else in the world with whom I'd rather be, every day, if just to see her make fun of how I talk (a really polite Yogi Bear)
  • To take my beloved on a worry-free vacation to Bermuda (and/or anywhere else she might like to go) all expenses paid by me
  • To take my children on an awesome vacation to see the Mouse
  • To tell my friends and family how much they mean to me; not just when something goes wrong, but when things are going right.
  • To let go of the anger towards people who have done their best to hurt you. The way you fight hurt isn't to hurt back; its to love more
  • To repair and sell my vehicle in order to purchase one better suited for my needs

  • To purchase a new computer - more power
    • To use the computer to launch a blog about fraternity and values and diversity
    • To become a successful public speaker - to get people to actually want to hear what I have to say
    • To earn, maintain/nurture and retain consistent and necessary (recession proof) income for myself and my family
    • To get insurance for my beloved so she can stop worrying
    • To pay off 50% of my current debt
    • To begin the search for my home so Opie stops asking why I move so much and i can give my kids a childhood like I had.

    As i said - some of these goals will require the help of the people that are near to me, but I have faith in you all.

    Marc...

    Dad, Dr. King, Opie and Simba

    As we come to the end of another day celebrating Dr King and his vision and legacy, I always think of my father. As I mentioned on these pages, my dad died on the 15th of January. What I don't often talk about was my father and his place in the Civil Rights movement. He was a contemporary of Dr. King in some ways. A Child of the South, born just before the Depression, someone who bore witness to Jim Crow overtly and subvertly, he elegantly, like so many others in this country, silently and quietly fought against discrimination at every turn. Dad didn't win a Nobel Prize for peace, but he showed that a peaceful way to your ends is always the right way to go. Dr. King used the bully pulpit as a leader (not the leader) of the Civil Rights movement. Dad decided to use the courts, like hundreds of others, to ensure equality for himself and his children. He's one of my biggest heroes.

    My dad always taught me that, when it comes to race relations and dealing with the ignorance and small mindedness of people, it's better to be like a duck and let that hatred roll off of your back. With few exceptions, I've done just that. More importantly, it's my mission in life that I don't have to teach my children the same things I had to learn - it's my hope that my children are judged by their merits, that they, as bright and beautiful as they are, never have to come home and ask why someone called them nigger; that they can visit any of their friends and not have to worry about the car lights being broken or having to fight their way out of a neighborhood in this awesome amazing city; that the idea of DWB (driving while black) is an urban myth.

    Keep the dream alive, if only so our Children can make the dream a reality.

    The cleanse

    Gentle reader,
    As you might be aware, yesterday, thanks to the efforts of Jimmy Kimmel, was National UnFriend Day on Facebook. You could, without guilt, get rid of all of the people that you really don't talk to on this site, people that you signed up because you wanted to pad your stats, people who were cute and you met at the bar and then never spoke to again and people who just have ticked you off.

    I did just that - My goal in my purge was simple - get under 1000 friends ( the next purge might be far more brutal, but it too needs to be done)

    Bye, bars and clubs I'll never visit again. So long to the people that shill for special events and send me 15 events to answer a week. It's been real.

    I loved it. Everyone should do it! just go and blow people up.

    If you're reading this, then guess what, you made the cut and hooray. If not, I'm sorry... No hard feelings.

    Happy Chapter Day Illinois Zeta!

    Hello Gentle Reader:

    While I'm writing a longer post for this blog about some other things, I would be remiss if I didn't reach out to the over 200 men that have decided to stand with me as my Chapter Brother and celebrate our 17th anniversary. It has been a long road, full of trials and tribulations, happiness and sorrow, and love and hate. I thank each and everyone of you for helping me become the man that I am, and the man that I further aspire to be. 

    What a long way we have come from that fall, slightly cold morning when 29 of us, clad in our tuxedos, walked over to St. James Church and pledged ourselves to be lifelong companions in this journey.  And we have done just that - we have travelled together, laughed together, cried together and be there in good times and bad. We have fought with each other and helped each other through the times that weren't as happy. But we've done that because that's what Phi Psis do. This is why we are the preeminent men's group at DePaul. This is why young men, over the last 17 years, have come to Lincoln Park and decided that they wanted to be a part of the Noble Fraternity. Men with names like DeFina, Schoefernacker, Reynolds, and Maza. Intelligent men named Hernandez, Medio, Hanichak, Trotter, Mattzela and Fenedick. Exuberant men named Mandel, Lieberman, Cavallo, Bill T, Wojtonik and Weaver.  Pensive, thoughtful men named Spurlock, Haro, Harvey, Dimasi, and Condren (both versions 1 and 2). And everyone else that has, for no matter how long, called Illinois Zeta home.

    Thanks also to all of those Brothers of Phi Kappa Psi across the country, from the time I was a bright eyed Colonist until now, that have guided me and allowed me to live and to flourish. Men like Knapp, Watt, Ong, Blazer, Kent, Harper (wow do I miss you, Terrry), Dud, Tryon, Chic,all the guys around the bend at dinner and my Fraternal Father, Nez (i could never thank you enough for all that you have done for me...and my contemporaries who strive, as I do to continue to live by the guiding principles set forth by Thomas Campbell over 150 years ago - Lee, Knacks, Dusty, Chaty, Hauck, Marks, Will H, Trig, Patterson, LeRoy, Ben, Luke, Hall, Nicky, Jon A, Rich Rozycki and his brother Tom, Poobah, and our ED, Collie.

    Last but not least I want to thank all of the people in my life who have been a part of this amazing journey with me that are NOT my Brother...you have allowed me, and probably all of us in Phi Psi, the ability to be strong, intelligent men who want to do good in the world. To the women who took a leap of faith in college when it might have been social suicide to be seen with the new guys on campus to the ones that still talk to us to this day, thank you! The ladies of Phi Psi are indeed an amazing bunch, and without them none of us would be here, so my heartfelt thanks to you all.

    As we move into year 18, I leave you with the most poignant modern words about our Strong Band:

    "Let us be who we say we are...a Fraternity, not a Club; run by Men, not Boys; and based on Ideals, not Expediency."

    Always In the Bond,

    Marc A. S. Dumas (003...)

    Top ten things that shouldn't happen at formal this year

    Prom5

    Gentle Reader,
    This time of year, at least at my alma mater, is time for young men to put on their best suits ( or their borrowed suits, or the suit they last wore  when they were 4 inches shorter and 20 lbs lighter) and the young women they are trying to woo balance on platform heels that would make most experienced strippers fall while wearing a dress that will give them the ability to be "classy" and yet do moves on the dance floor that can't be seen except for on E!.

    Due to the fun things that I've seen in my time as a Fraternity man, and as a Chapter Advisor, here are my top 10 things that I hope not to see if I were to "drop by" formal...
    (note: all of these things are things I've either heard about or seen first hand)

    -Falling asleep in your food - usually dinner is at 7 and I know that the kids now a days like to "Pre-Game" but keep it together liong enough to eat the food that will soak up some of that really cheap vodka you've been drinking

    -Threats to jump off of balconies due to lost love - I know it hurts, but he/she isn't worth you, and it's one date but all that happens if you jump is a mess, and more paperwork for me and I hate making that call to "Nationals" and filling out the mountain of paperwork.

    - vomiting in public places - i understand that, on nights like this, you are not buying that food and drink, simply renting it, but turn your rental back in somewhere privately. No one wants to see you do that, and while it's sort of funny to watch you hold your dates hair up (and quite endearing; that's true love) it's not something I really want to see

    -you shirtless/pantless- I'm talking to you, frat boy! I know you have been working out in the student gym for the moment during your favorite grind song to show off your newly found abs, but stop it. You sell the idea to potential recruits and the campus at large as gentlemen. In this day of video everywhere, do you really want the reason you didn't get that awesome intership to be a video of you, shirtless, grinding on someone, put to a gay porn soundtrack (it happens)

    -voyeuristic sex - it's formal, not a porno shoot. I shouldn't be able to walk into any open room (banquet hall, guest room, storage closet) and see you, sorority girl, coyly showing one boob, or you frat boy (probably my brother) trying to convince her that "just the tip" is OK. Really? Really? no. Get a room. Lock the door. Don't have a roommate, you cheap bastard. Don't be so loud that people think something bad is happening. Bring some music.
    staying on sex...
    -you not bringing protection and trying to use a myriad of things to replace a condom (toothpaste is still my favorite) If you do/did this, and your SO says it's ok, then you get what you get and godspeed.

    -having an ass/bitch/douche as a date - I know that formal is the social event of the season ( i know of women that have gone to great lengths to snag an invite to my chapter's formal - at one time it was indeed the hottest ticket in town) but if you do get invited, remember that - you are an INVITED GUEST. Hopefully you wouldn't act like an idiot if invited to your date's family's house, so why do that here. Keep your clothes on (see above), handle your liquor, make sure you meet as many people as you can (you never know how that networking might work for you) and don't pee in the pool...

    -not making it to the dinner/dance. It's the Holiday Inn Rosemont, not Vegas...make plans to hold your drinks to a point where you can walk, not fall down in elevators and actually have a conversation with your dinner companions.

    -leave during the middle of the event. I know, the last thing you want to do is hear guys like me give speeches or, if you're a date, listen to who wins Brother of the Year, or Super Special Sister, but stay. You never know when your alums, intent on buying the room a few drinks, will show up and the room will be empty - BAD.

    while I'm speaking of alumni, make sure that you recognize that, if you see alums of a certain age, with a woman (or a man), especially if that woman(man) has a ring on her left hand, that's probably their spouse. Make sure you say hello, and introduce yourself. Also don't exclaim that these "old people" are taking over/crashing your formal, and don't call them cougars or jaguars - very bad.

    know what the dress code is - formal, at least in college, means semi formal. Find a suit and wear it. A cardigan doesn't cut it. Find a tie and wear that. Wear dress shoes, with dark socks. Do not dress like a pimp, unless you are one (If I ever walk into a formal and see someone wearing a suit out of one of the colors of the rainbow, understand that I will clown you, in front of your date, and then she'll leave with me, or one of your brothers that didn't bring a date

    lastly, do not, fight your twin brother to the death, or cause anyone any bodily harm. Do not cause any bloodshed, and let's keep the police presence to a minimum. I don't want to have the potential of going to jail, or have to fill out paperwork, or call your parents.

    All in all, have a good time.

    IF you are reading this on facebook, please leave us your favorite formal story, embarassing or cute.

    Marc...

    Why are people losing their minds about 8th grade graduation

    Hello, gentle reader.
    I'm sorry that I've been gone for so long, but I've been super busy. Since my last post, I've managed to leave my first apartment (lesson learned: if you know going in that someone is crazy, don't move in with them, no matter how nice it seems), live in a series of hotels (love the fact that I didn't have to clean behind myself, but got sort of claustrophobic after a while) lived with one of my best friends (who's daughter is the 2nd nicest little girl in the world for letting me live in her room all that time) and finally moved into what I think will be my PCS (permanent change of station) for the foreseeable future. Oh, and i got a new job as a Recruitment and Admissions Officer for a group of Charter Schools here in Chicago.

    Along with that, I've tried to come to grips with being single, not seeing my children everyday, dating (i really need someone to honestly look at my match.com profile and tell me what is wrong-if you think you can help, ping me! please!) balancing work and life, and trying to win a baseball game or 2 with my high school team (we did OK - 13-1 in conference and 16-7 overall - playoffs start this Thursday - i can't wait ITS A GREAT DAY TO BE A WARRIOR!). That and keeping on my goal to lose as much weight as possible without getting crazy obsessive about the whole thing (in case you hadn't heard, between Ash Wednesday and Easter I lost 37 lbs. Woot! )

    So why the title of my post? Well, in my position at school, my desk is located in the main office and I see a lot of stuff. What i saw today made me start this post. our 8th graders (our schools go from 6th to 12th grade in the locations that are at least 4 years old) and their families are losing their minds over tickets for graduation. People want to be able to invite everyone from mom and dad to their last cousin to see them accomplish this rite of passage - graduating 8th grade! A mother today was insisting to our Program Director (great guy - most laid back cat you could ever meet) how she had "professionals" coming to graduation practice and how she didn't want to be embarrassed...what sort of professionals? are there really people that are professional graduation runners - for 8th fricking grade??? WTH! That's not to mention the parade of cap and gown vendors coming into show their wares. Do we get Red and Grey robes or black - do we honor the kids on the honor roll or the Principal's list with tassels?

    Please! this is truly a sign of why our kids are falling back - we give out glory and praise for the things they are supposed to be doing. (don't even get me started on the graduation I have to attend in August for my little one - from NURSERY SCHOOL) and then when something is truly amazing we blow it out of the water. When i finished 8th grade - we had graduation - we wore suits and dresses, we sang a song (Time to remember...) while they showed our baby pictures and some candids of the year. they gave out some academic awards and we got our diploma - that was it. No grand hoopla, no reserved seating (it was outdoors) and no hype because everyone was going to High school and everyone was going to graduate high school (that's when you throw the big deal) and go to college.

    So for the love of all that's holy and good in the world, please stop this madness - I beg of you!

    In other news, Congrats to the Wolfpack of Saint Ignatius for both their boys (3rd place) and girls (2nd place) water polo teams! Great season and Hail Ignatius!

    It's the most wonderful time...of the Year!

    It's opening Day! Next to my birthday, and right in front of Election Day, it's the best day of the Year! It's a chance to re-new, and hopefully my Sox will win the AL central behind the great pitching they have. Here's hoping

    In other news since I've been gone for so long, I've back on the weight loss kick. For Lent this year, I gave up pop and candy and fast food. After my body dealt with the shock of no gummy bears for the past 47 days, I lost 25 pounds. I feel better, but my knee doesn't want to buy into this program. I think I'm going to do P90X starting in a few days, once i can get the money to afford it.

    On the baseball team front, my team is 3-3 (we should be 5-1 or 4-2 at the worst) as we move into conference play. Our conference is weak, so we should do OK and get ready for the playoffs in 45 days!

    Hopefully I will find somewhere to live this week as living in a hotel isn't the best way to go

    See ya soon - Hope Butler pulls one out of the hat tonight!